Something optimistic for once

I wrote this three months ago and have no idea why it didn’t end up getting published. Anyway.

 

I was just looking back on some of my oldest posts (from way back on Blogger) and then some of my recent posts, and I realized just how much my depression has slowly consumed my life over the past 5 years.

While several things in my life are less than ideal; frustrating, confusing, what have you; there are a couple good things going on and I’m going to take a moment to remind myself that positivity exists. Continue reading “Something optimistic for once”

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I did a really hard thing yesterday

Yesterday, I officially resigned from my position as a blogger for both Teen Skepchick and Queereka.

This is kind of a big deal for me… I mean, it’s something I was doing for personal reasons, for free, with volunteered time. Writing for TS was my first step in becoming an activist and actually participating in the community. The Skepchick Network will forever be my gateway into skeptic activism.

But I haven’t been able to blog regularly for months, now. I can’t even maintain a regular blogging schedule on my personal blog, let alone other sites. There’s a standard for quality and quantity that I’m just not able to meet as a contributor to TS and Queereka.

My depression is the biggest factor in this, if not the only relevant factor. The editors knew I was taking some time to recover and therefore my volume of output was down, so there’s no outside pressure causing guilt. But I do still feel responsibility when I hold a position as a contributing author, which has been making me feel guilty and cluttering up my brain.

So yeah… It sucked a lot. And I feel pretty bad about quitting, I just have to reduce the number of things I need to pay attention to. Prioritizing is hard when you can’t think properly most of the time.

I Love Activism

After several weeks of feeling totally crappy, I’ve balanced back out! Quite nice. And lots of really great things are happening with life right now! Intentional bad grammar!

Recently, I’ve been added to Queereka as a regular contributor. It’s another Skepchick site, sure, but it is another site. Getting to know more people and sacrificing sleep to chat with them.

Also, that. I had a text Skype chat with fellow Queereka members to talk about business and generally banter. Following that, I dropped in on the Gamers for Godlessness marathon to chat with JT Eberhard, Jason Thibeault, and Lauren Lane for a couple hours. I got to plug my jewelry-making and got the idea from JT to make a piece to donate to Camp Quest for them to auction off. I’m going to make it this morning and surprise him with an email asking wtf to do with it. :D

One of the organizers for Skeptics of Oz is in email contact with me, discussing what I might talk about when I SPEAK THERE IN APRIL. Yeah. Speaking at an event. Alongside JT Eberhard and other notable atheists. Maybe. But it’s looking good.

This morning, I’m so happy and so thankful and so incredibly dumbfounded that I’ve made it this far. I attended my first atheist event in February and started writing for Teen Skepchick in April. I feel like I’ve made so much progress in such a short amount of time.

I love every single person I’ve met because of my activism. There’s no way I’d be growing and blossoming like this if I hadn’t met wonderful people who are unfailingly supportive, kind, and respectful. They’ve all treated me like I belong, and I feel welcomed and comfortable and loved.

From what I can tell, I’m even a better person since I started being active in the community. I identify as a humanist and try to do as much as I can to help others. I’ve eliminated so many of the harmful mindsets and language I’ve used to lesser other people, even the ones I never knew I was doing. I’m strong enough to hold my ground and challenge illogical beliefs openly. This may very well be my career. 

To all the lovely feminists, nontheists, activists, bloggers, geeks, science nerds, gamers and all: Thank you so much. I’m so glad I know all of you and get to share my experiences with you. You make me feel more at home than I ever have before.

Love all of you. <3