On Changing Plans

This is kind of a weird thing to talk about.

I was so sure I wanted to divorce, separate, and move away from my partner. But some recent upswellings of Feels have caused me to doubt those wants. I find myself missing him, since our schedules no longer line up in such a way as we spend much time together. And our finances might not be such that we can afford to separate this year even if we wanted to. Continue reading “On Changing Plans”

Advertisements

Doing The Right Things (And Still Being Depressed)

Content: exercise, depression, food, recovery frustration

I’m a little frustrated right now. Well, insofar as I can be frustrated, given that I’m in a depressive slump and don’t feel very much right now.

I’m finding it very annoying that I’m doing a lot more of the proactive things you’re “supposed” to do when you’re in recovery, and yet have somehow managed to end up depressed anyway. This is especially annoying because Exercising is one of the most mentioned things you’re Supposed To Do to alleviate depressive symptoms. I started a regular regiment a few weeks ago and it has been DURING THIS REGIMENT that I’ve slumped back. Continue reading “Doing The Right Things (And Still Being Depressed)”

Things Are Hard. [Recovery/Update]

Content notices for exercise, food, health scare, mental health, financial issues, break-ups

Yeah, things are really weird right now. I have a mixture of really awesome things happening and really awful things happening, some of which I’ve been hesitant to discuss openly, since this is a public blog and it posts to my public Twitter, Facebook, G+ and Tumblr.

I guess I’ll start by telling you the good things that have been happening lately. (And then mixing in the bad because I have a hard time not doing that.) Continue reading “Things Are Hard. [Recovery/Update]”

A Year of (re)Invention Update 1

Hey all! It’s been a while since I posted because I just haven’t felt particularly motivated to write, thanks to depression and having other things going on in life. But I wanted to update on some of the things I’ve done to check off on that list I made.

I’ve written in the past about not really liking New Year’s Resolutions for various reasons, so this was a list I made in August with the intention of it lasting until next August, when I ostensibly plan to move somewhere far away from Kansas. But now it’s almost the new year and I wanted to update on it.

I dyed my hair some neon color! It’s been blue for a couple months now and here’s what it looks like today: Continue reading “A Year of (re)Invention Update 1”

June 2015 Update

Just a general update post! Content notes for all kinds of depression-related stuff and trans things.

Generally been feeling like poop. I need to call my doctor’s office and get them to change my meds in some form or fashion. Prozac has been okay for me, but I think overall it’s not working. Plus it’s giving me super intense dreams/nightmares and the other med she prescribed to cancel out the dreams isn’t doing anything that I can tell.

Super dysthymic lately. I’m having a hard time doing basic things like dishes and laundry and showering. (Thus the apartment is a mess.) Which certainly means I’m not blogging or vlogging much. It’s hard to do things that involve words when you have absolutely nothing interesting to talk about! I’ve been wanting to draw as kind of a gateway back into doing art (something that used to be very important to me), because it requires like no energy, but haven’t felt it in me to do it. A weird thing to say, but the best way to express why I haven’t made anything for several years. Continue reading “June 2015 Update”

Changes in meds, puberty

Just posting an update on what’s new with my recovery!

My doctor just increased my Prozac intake from 10mg/day to 20mg. I’m hoping this goes well, because I’ve had some seriously bad reactions to SSRIs in the past. Prozac causes intensely vivid dreams and that’s been an issue for me, so she also prescribed me prazosin. It’s a blood pressure medication that’s often used to diminish nightmares.

I’ve more or less stopped taking Vyvanse because I couldn’t eat!

Puberty is weird!!! I’m so hungry all the time! And my clit is so sensitive! Ugh!

I haven’t been feeling great, but I’m working on it. I need to form good habits with working out and generally need to do sleep management with rigid precision.

Finally getting off night shift!!!

Aaahhhhh, I’m so happy about this!

I asked my manager way back in January if I could switch to evening/day shift and it’s finally happening!!!

I just counted how many more times I have to work overnight and it’s only 6!

I’m so looking forward to being able to sleep like a normal person again. I’ll be able to tell if I haven’t been sleeping well because of depression or because it’s daytime and my body is like wtf are you doing. Over the last few years I’ve learned that you never actually adjust to that schedule. Or, at least, I never adjusted. Continue reading “Finally getting off night shift!!!”