On Changing Plans

This is kind of a weird thing to talk about.

I was so sure I wanted to divorce, separate, and move away from my partner. But some recent upswellings of Feels have caused me to doubt those wants. I find myself missing him, since our schedules no longer line up in such a way as we spend much time together. And our finances might not be such that we can afford to separate this year even if we wanted to. Continue reading “On Changing Plans”


Site Change

Alright, so, there’s this awesome new blog collective that launched earlier this month, called The Orbit. It’s a site for nonreligious bloggers who have a particular interest in social justice, and I feel honored and privileged to say that I was invited to be on their roster. Which is awesome!

Here’s a link to our About Us page so you get a full idea of what we do there: http://the-orbit.net/about-us/

I mention this because my blog hosted there is called Metaphorical Penis. I’ve made a slight change to this WP blog, titling it “Luxander’s Blog” and changing the tagline to show it’s a personal blog now. I don’t think I can change the URL without starting a new blog and exporting everything over to it, so I’m content with the superficial change for the time being.

So, my big thought-pieces will be over at The Orbit now. And hopefully some of my silly content will be there, too. This one will be more for the raw personal posts and life updates. (Not that I’ve been particularly active on it for any length of time, but whatever.)

If you’re interested in reading my content, please check me out over at The Orbit!

Weird Feels About Moving

So, I’ve ostensibly had plans to move to Seattle for a while now. It’s a romanticized idea that I’ve had since I was little, but now I’m an adult and I can see the more pragmatic aspects of what it means to move across the country to a big city where I don’t know anyone.

And honestly, it’s been freaking me out. The more I look into what it costs to live there, or how far away from the city I’d have to live to have affordable rent, or think about how I would have to fly out to go to my favorite conventions.. The more it freaks me out. Continue reading “Weird Feels About Moving”

Living A Borrowed Life

This has been haunting me for a long time, but it’s especially bothering me over the last few weeks so I’m finally writing about it. Content notes for relationship woes and loss of sense of self.

I moved in with my partner when I was 16, and I brought some belongings with me but went through a purge as I usually do when I’m about to move. Since I was 16, I didn’t own any furniture or appliances or dishes. I had a bed, desk, and bookshelf, but I left them at my dad’s.

I’ve been living with my partner since then. And honestly, the number of things I feel I can claim as “mine” is not much higher than it was five years ago. I noticed during this recent move that I’m pretty sure I own less than half of all the things in our apartment. Which is probably why I always feel so overwhelmed and unable to organize anything. Continue reading “Living A Borrowed Life”

Happiness Doesn’t Exist Sometimes.

CN: lots of depression

Another one of those posts where I’m not sure where to start.

I guess I just wanted to talk about how my depression is pretty much constant. There’s always that sinking, shitty feeling in my chest and stomach. Even when something makes me laugh or smile, that’s just on the surface, and inside me there’s pretty much never any true light.

Maybe this isn’t always true, but I go through spells where it is true. Right now is one of those times. Continue reading “Happiness Doesn’t Exist Sometimes.”

Cats being weird about food

We got a new cat last summer (Mitternacht), and my mother-in-law reported that he was an aggressive one who caused problems for some of her other cats. I hadn’t really noticed any big issue with him except that he’s been getting fatter over the last few months. (Also he’s skittish, but we’re working on that.)

We discovered that he’s been scarfing down his food and then scarfing down whatever is left in the others’ bowls. So now I have to go back to putting their food down and picking it back up when they’re done eating, 3 times a day. Which is kind of fucking annoying.

I feel bad for having not caught this behavior before now, though. Lucifer has been doing a lot better about not gorging himself as soon as I put the food down, but he did today and made himself throw up. Aaaand I’m pretty sure it’s because of Mitternacht being food-aggressive.

/sigh. Stupid cats, not knowing what’s best for them.