I wrote this three months ago and have no idea why it didn’t end up getting published. Anyway.
I was just looking back on some of my oldest posts (from way back on Blogger) and then some of my recent posts, and I realized just how much my depression has slowly consumed my life over the past 5 years.
While several things in my life are less than ideal; frustrating, confusing, what have you; there are a couple good things going on and I’m going to take a moment to remind myself that positivity exists.
My YouTuber subscriber count on my main channel is slightly over 200 [Update: It’s almost at 300 now] and I’m optimistically saying that it’ll stay above that number. I think I’m confident enough to go ahead and make a video acknowledging it and celebrating the incipient community there. [I did not, and have decided to be unpredictable in which milestones I celebrate.]
I have a super duper awesome fantastic idea for a video that doesn’t even have to be complicated. It’s gonna be my normal sit-down-and-chat but the IDEA behind it makes me brim with pride for having thought of it. I refuse to check and see if anyone else has talked about it, but it’s pretty specific so IDK WE’LL FIND OUT. [I have no idea what this was.]
Meanwhile, my gaming channel is hovering around 46 [now 63] subscribers, which is fine. I’m more proud of myself for trying hard to maintain a schedule, acknowledging that concessions needed to be made (by switching my upload day), and constantly improving all the various skills involved with making videos and Let’s Plays in general.
I have a game I’m really looking forward to playing (and simultaneously dreading) that’s called Gone In November. It’s one of those games that tries to depict a mental illness in a way that the player can empathize with. This one is about depression, I’ve heard, and since it’s relatively knew, I want to play it.
It’ll be a new experience on my channel, which has included mostly upbeat games thus far. But I feel it’s important to support these types of games, educate people about depression, and share my experience with it. We’ll see how that goes. [It was fucking weird.]
And finally, I’ve been chipping away at my Patreon page and have made excellent progress this week. I just have to make the video (“just” ‘e says), find a good image to represent me, and figure out what the hell I’m putting on the cover photo. I hate cover photos, they’re almost as bad as banners. But with more space to fill.
Anyway, that’s the good stuff right now! My budding career as an amateur YouTuber. =]