About a month ago, I got out an old sketchbook and decided I would start keeping my notes for projects and goals and stuff in there. One page contains a list of things I want to do over the next year in order to try to be a person again. And figure out what kind of person I am, since I’ve felt less and less myself over the years.
I wanted to share it here so I can then comment on doing some of the things and have context, and to show how weird I am, I guess.
“A Year of Discovery and (re)Invention”
- Dye my hair some neon color
- Get at least one new tattoo
- Buy a car, a good one that I’ll genuinely like
- Put actual effort into making something (and finish it) Ex: Cosplay, jewelry, a drawing
- Read one new book each month
- Attend one concert [this is tangential to listening to the radio, which for some reason is part of Being A Person to me]
- Go to one museum
- Go out drinking with friends [I’m an adult now!!]
- Go on a walk and get lost
I’ve decided what color I want to dye my hair, I just have to either get someone to buy the dye for me or try to justify spending the money on it (and having it done at a place, because I don’t want to bleach my hair myself).
I have two tattoo ideas, but I’m not sure if I still want the semicolon one. And again, money. The car is a necessity, but not something I can do immediately.
I really really want to start making things again. Videos are a big part of that, but I also want to be making things that are tangible. Current ideas are a Foxy cosplay (which will probably not happen this year, because, again, money) and a chainmaille shirt. Which I would have to buy rings for. (Honestly, if I devote enough time to my YouTube stuff, that will count.)
In the spirit of wanting to read again (and thus be a person), I bought A Game of Thrones. It’s the end of September now, but it’ll count for this month’s achievement. I read She’s Not There: A Life In Two Genders by Jennifer Boylan for August.
Going to a concert, a museum, and drinking with friends are all bits of exploration, discovery, external focus, and having social experiences. I want to do memorable things to stoke the coals of my existence.
The last one shows how weird I am and how I was running out of steam for this list. I like going on walks, and I like the idea of being so involved in my thoughts and the stuff around me that I lose track of where I’m going.
This is almost like a New Year’s Resolutions list, but less pointlessly arbitrary and more about learning what it means to be myself than trying to transform myself. Note that regular health things like exercising regularly are not on the list.
As always, thanks for your support.