I took some Vyvanse earlier, so I’m feeling slightly more motivated to do things than I normally would. Which has basically just led to me feeling weird enough about my life to talk about it. There’s not really a point to this post aside from blowing off steam.
I hate this apartment. I hate it so much. There’s a bunch of Stuff everywhere and two adults who don’t have the skills to maintain their environment. And three cats who shed a lot and kick up cat litter further than you’d think possible.
I’ve had so many arguments and bad depressive episodes in this apartment. It feels cramped even though it isn’t particularly small, because of the way the rooms are partitioned and how many bad feelings are laced into the woodwork.
I want to minimize the clutter and get rid of a bunch of shit, but much of it isn’t mine to get rid of.
We’re moving into a new apartment at the end of the month, and it can’t come soon enough.
I want/need a new desk if I want to use it as any kind of workspace. I’m using an old desk of Degon’s and it’s too small to do anything with. And there’s stuff cluttered all over it because I’m bad at throwing things away that might still have value or sentiment attached to it.
I’m in keyboard purgatory because I spilled coffee all over one shortly after buying it. So I’ve been using the backup, waterproof keyboard for about a year now. I probably could use a new mouse, but I just keep cleaning the contacts to fix the double-click problem. I’ll wear out this Razer until it won’t do anything.
I also need to buy a new Windows 7 and maybe a bigger hard drive. My SSD is 200gb and almost full because I never wiped it when I bought it. My whole system is incredibly slow and it’s frustrating.
I miss feeling happy about things. I went to CONvergence this past weekend and it was the best I’ve felt in a long time. It wasn’t as great of an experience as it could have been, but I’m hoping next year will be significantly improved. Other than that, there hasn’t been anything particularly positive going on in my life. We’re supposed to be moving, but that thought doesn’t feel real to me and probably won’t until we actually sign a lease.
And don’t even get me started on all my Relationship-related feelings. I’m not having fun trying to sort that out. Honestly I’m pretty angry and frustrated and I need to wrangle some sort of control over my environment. I don’t know how to iterate why those two things are related, but they are.
Brb throwing away unnecessary things and trying to reign in the mess that is my apartment.