Hormones and Transition Projects

Hey, so, I started taking testosterone! I haven’t really been blogging about it because I’ve been vlogging on my YouTube channel, but I thought I’d talk for a minute about the projects I’m doing throughout my transition.

Also I’ve been working during the day and it kind of sucks but sleeping at night has been really good for me.

Obviously I’ve been doing videos on YouTube, talking about what’s going on. I recorded the process of me giving myself a shot for the first time and that will be edited and up on my channel probably in like a week, max. I have to finish editing a video for a project I’m doing with my dad before I can settle in on that one.

I’m taking selfies every morning, at the recommendation of a dear friend. So eventually I’ll do a timelapse-type video, after maybe a year or two. I’ve also had my husband take a couple full-body shots of me so I can look at how my fat redistributes.

At my dad’s behest, I’m also doing a short audio recording every day. There’s this really awesome poem, “Ode to Spot,” from Star Trek: The Next Generation, which has four stanzas. I’ve been recording myself saying one stanza each day for a few days now.

When my voice is done changing, I’ll probably string together all of them into one thing, saying the same poem over and over with slight variations in my voice over time. I’m interested to see how that project turns out!

I have this vague relationship with my transition where I don’t want to spend much time thinking about how I’ve changed. I prefer to just sort of exist and acknowledge changes when I see them. However, doing these active projects is making me somewhat impatient to start seeing more concrete differences. I’m not freaking out about it or anything, I’m just like really excited for things to start progressing.

I’m uncertain what my genes will make of testosterone. My dad has very little facial hair, for example, so I might not end up with much, if any. So there’s a little bit of worry about it not actually doing very much to me. But mostly I know better and that I should be patient. I’ve only been on it for a couple weeks, after all.

The changes I have noticed so far: My sweat definitely smells different. I have gauged ears (0g atm) and if you go several days without cleaning them, there’s a pretty distinct and not pleasant smell from sweat accumulation. It has ALWAYS been the same, for years, until I went to clean them after taking my first shot. It’s hard to describe the difference, except that it’s more musky and slightly more pungent.

I’m not sure if I’ve been more sweaty or just more aware of how sweaty I can get, because now I’m concerned about getting stinky. But if it’s not just my perception, it’s probably true that I’m producing more sweat than usual. I get sticky and need to shower more.

Aaand, as expected, my libido is very high. I’m already a person who has difficulty with being horny a lot of the time, and I have really high needs when it comes to cuddles and affection. I haven’t been getting as much in the way of cuddles because Degon and I are on different sleep schedules. The majority of our cuddling has always been when we’re in bed together. He hasn’t been super interested in sex lately, so I’m feeling a bit starved in all areas intimacy-related. Also our relationship is in a weird spot, so we aren’t dating other people right now. (I have a lot of feels about this but won’t go into it yet.)

Also, I’m not sure if this is testosterone related, but I’ve noticed the last week or so that things I normally might be saddened by are instead making me angry. That might just be the intense sexual frustration and general stress from work, though.

Oh I guess it’s probably worth mentioning that Degon is supportive of me through this process, but not as actively excited as I’d like him to be. My dad is actively interested in seeing how things go, and all my friends are very supportive and wonderful. I’ve basically already stopped talking to most of the people who would be unsupportive in my family. The people I’ve told at work have been pretty okay with things. I left my manager a note about it, so I’m interested to see if he asks me about it. (I’m not scared of his reaction, I know he’ll be cool, I’m just not as personally friendly with him as I am with other coworkers so I didn’t know how to say it out loud.)

I’ll keep updating, since this is literally the most interesting thing happening in my life right now. <3

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