For a teensy bit of background information, my husband and I started out as a monogamous couple and decided to open our relationship in December. :D :D :D
So, hubby has branched out a little bit with the poly stuff, but I haven’t had anyone I’ve been particularly interested in (within a reasonable proximity to my location). UP UNTIL PRETTY RECENTLY.
One of our guy friends hangs out with us fairly often. There aren’t a lot of people that we enjoy being around in person all the time, so it’s pretty cool that we all like each others’ company so much. There’s lots of anti-capitalism and religion bashing in our conversations, which is usually fun. XD
I get “aw you’re so cute” sentiments relatively easily, and that started a couple weeks ago with this friend. Finally, I decided it would be fun to see if we could play, so I asked the Degon what he thought, and he was cool with it. Funny story: The day after I started planning my proposition to said friend, he brought up that he wanted to ask a “favor” of me, which I found out a couple days later was just HIM PROPOSITIONING ME, WHABAMM.
So I’m pretty much feeling like a boss about that. I had been a little hesitant about maybe making things awkward, since I didn’t know how he’d respond. I have a bad tendency to assume that any cishet guy I want to have sex with would be willing to have sex with me, so instead I sort of went in a nervous opposite direction of that and got weirded out that it might exacerbate the awkwardness we both experience sometimes. But it turned out nicely, and I honestly give him lots of props for bringing it up first.
During this experience, I learned that I like to be the one to proposition people, but that I’m not overly dismayed if they catch me first. =]
I also learned that if someone cares about my pronouns and tries to stop using femmy language and apologizes when they fuck up, it makes me like 10000% more likely to want to boink them.
I also learned that ending dry spells and taking virginity are Things I Like. (Although I know “virginity” isn’t really like.. a Thing, since it has variable definitions.)
There’s also a guilt factor to my brainstate, which is probably fairly normal for this type of situation. I know how shitty I felt when Degon was wanting to get with someone else the first time, and I don’t like causing that type of anxiety in others. Still, it was a lot better after they did things and I could see the evidence that nothing was different, so hopefully we’ll be able to get over this hurdle in much the same way.
I’m also kind of nervous because this is the first time I’m having sex with/being naked around someone Not Degon in like three years. I’m pretty confident that I’m sexy as hell (at least from the perspective of your average cishet guy), but it’s still weird to think about doing stuff with someone new. Especially after I tried to firmly murder the shit out of my poly orientation over the last couple years. (It doesn’t work that way, btw.)
So, I’m nervous and a little anxious but also excited. Probably just the right combination of factors, so long as I don’t get sucked into feeling like a jerk for being poly in the first place and potentially screwing up EVERYTHING because I’m spectacular at ruining relationships.
Oh by the way I still need to be on birth control and I’ll have to pay for the IUD out-of-pocket, so if you want to help me have the safest sex I can possibly have, you can donate here!