“It Doesn’t Count”

I was just imagining a hypothetical situation in which a female lust-interest who has a boyfriend might be willing to have sexy times with me without telling her boyfriend, but not with Degon. I do this a lot with random hypotheticals, which is why I made a category for it a while ago. My brain overclocks on the imagination.

Anyway, I was thinking about this and how unfair it is. It’s already an established cultural idea that penis-in-vagina sex is the only sex that “counts” as sex. There are a lot of interesting results of this, including girls having anal sex to preserve their virginity. Some might say that a lesbian who’s never had penis-in-vagina sex is still a virgin. It’s weird.

It seems to be a fairly common concept that if you’re a woman with a boyfriend, fooling around with another woman doesn’t count as cheating. Perhaps it’s because of how fetishized lesbian interactions are, and the assumption is that the boyfriend would think it’s hot anyway? 

Or maybe it’s probably just about the penis.

I guess some guys get penis envy, so they might be more comfortable with a poly girlfriend fooling around with a woman because it’s less threatening? Perhaps it’s possible to feel less guilty because penis-in-vagina sex is the only thing that’s actually cheating. 

If this situation happened to me, I would be pretty upset. It would tell me that the woman was interested in fooling around with me, but didn’t take it seriously. It would tell me that sex with me “doesn’t count” just because I don’t have certain genitals. It’s exciting to be desired, but it’s a real mood-killer to feel that way. 

Sex with me would be cheating just as much as sex with my cis male husband. 

I’m weird. 


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