I’ve been taking Adderall once per day for about a week now. It seems like my brain is working a lot better than it had been, which is a huge deal for me. Probably the biggest struggle with my depression has been feeling like I just can’t think straight, in combination with my memory being truly awful. So, Adderall is addressing some of these issues.
I don’t really feel a lot better in a physical sense. With depression comes a heavy feeling in my chest which isn’t quite as bad, I suppose. I’m still not in a great mood most of the time, but I feel “okay” more often than not. I haven’t been suicidal since I started taking it, but there are a lot of variables I’m changing so I can’t honestly say that there’s a directly causal relationship.
My doctor gave me leave to stop taking the Wellbutrin if I thought it was negatively impacting my heart to be taking two stimulants. I’ve noticed some palpitations and much higher sensitivity to caffeine in the past week. It has seemed for quite a while like the Wellbutrin hasn’t been alleviating any of my depressive symptoms, but has been exacerbating my anxiety. So I have decided to stop taking it.
Taking Ambien every day is making sleep work really well. When I was on Lexapro, even taking Ambien didn’t help me sleep better, so I’m glad that this time around it is making a difference.
All my exposure to depression facts on the internet has given me the idea that taking medication is just a way to give you a base-line to work from in terms of recovery. Obviously taking a pill isn’t going to fix everything, it’s just supposed to make it to where you can actually do the things you’re supposed to do to feel better. I feel like taking ADD medicine is giving me this base-line. I can think straight(er)(ish), I have the presence of mind to notice when things need to be done, and I don’t have as much of a physical bog keeping me from taking action.
I know I said I was going to write the second part of my Bisexual vs. Pansexual post this week, but it’s now the weekend and everyone I know is at Skepticon. I’ll work on the post this weekend and probably have it published and ready for your enjoyment on Monday or Tuesday.
Thank you, everyone, for your continual support and friendship. You’re making a difference for me.