Hey guys! Most of you probably know that I have a nonbinary gender identity; I’m genderqueer. Which I’ve never really tried to explain on this blog, but I guess I’ll give a quick summary and perhaps an independent blog post later on:
Gender is a really emotional experience, and having identified at various points on the binary (and subsequently, off the binary) I still can’t really explain what it’s like per se. Being genderqueer is sort of a mixture of the two common genders (man and woman) but more in between them but also neither. [I ALSO WANT TO STATE BRIEFLY THAT I CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR MYSELF AND GENDER HAPPENS IN DIFFERENT WAYS FOR OTHER PEOPLE.]
My identity for a while has been masculine genderqueer, which means I’m sort-of-in-between-but-both-but-neither-but-tending-toward-masculine. This is probably why I identified as a trans* man at first. For a while, I wanted to use masculine pronouns (he, him, his) and that seemed to fit. When I started identifying as a female genderqueer, I went back to using femme pronouns.
Several times I’ve looked into various gender neutral pronouns and been disappointed with what I’ve found. This table has the most commonly used pronouns (well, ey/em/eir isn’t super common, but whatever.)
There are more examples of gender neutral pronouns here
, but I agree with the writer at aetherlumina that none of those are serious contenders.
I’m just going to throw it out there that I really hate zie/ze/zir. Those sounds are choppy in spoken word and make me halt in my sentences. It’s fine over text, but not in spoken language. I also just don’t personally identify with them very well. Sie/hir is a little better, but it’s been pointed out that ‘sie’ is quite similar to the German word for ‘she’, and thus has a gendered background. Most people use they/them/their, despite the fact that those terms are plural.
The last time I checked this out, I found myself really liking ey/em/eir. I had never heard them before and it’s basically just a singularization of the plural ‘they’.
SO HEY GUYS I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. I want to start using they/them/their pronouns. I’ve been feeling pretty awkward about the feminine ones for a while but haven’t felt closely connected to any of the others, nor have I been uncomfortable enough to seek a change. But something catalysted lately and I’m really tired of using the feminine ones.
I’m not requiring anyone to switch, but I do have expectations for the people who generally care about that stuff. I don’t expect most people to get it, and I don’t expect everyone I know to have to explain themselves to people who have never heard gender-neutral pronouns before. In my feminist/atheist/skeptical spaces, I will probably be a little hurt if people aren’t sensitive to it, but I’m also used to stuffing it and dealing with being called a woman, lady, etc.
So yeah! If you like me, you should probably switch pronouns. I’ve already fiddled with my Facebook settings to make it say they/them/their. It’s not like I can really use them myself, since I don’t often talk about myself in the third person, so I’m depending on you guys!
Thanks for reading! I’ll be updating my previous sticky
, which details how to handle pronouns and gendered words with me.