I’m currently waiting for Blizzard to respond to my request to remove my authenticator from my account. It was on my keys, which were often in my pockets, so the battery died from the button getting hit over and over. I can’t buy Mists of Pandaria or get on Starcraft II until this is taken care of. x.x So, figured I’d write about something I’ve been pondering.
The event that really ended my desire to be around my mother was about a week before my sixteenth birthday. She planned a party that I didn’t really want, and the night before said party, her car was repossessed because she wasn’t making payments. And then it snowed. (It was late March.)
She spiraled into a depressive state that night, and early in the morning she asked her husband to send her mom up to her room . I assume she desired comforting. Something my grandma said sparked the reactive, angry ‘manic’ phase.
At some point in the argument, my grandma picked up a book she’d brought with her (specifically for my mother) titled “Anger is a Choice”. I’m pretty sure that it was something about that which triggered my mother to punch her in the face.
Having come to terms with my own mental illness and understanding what it’s like to be told you have a choice, that you just need to be strong-willed, that everybody feels this way sometimes… You know, I probably would have fucking punched her, too.
My disease doesn’t result in violent outbursts because it’s all on the depressive end of the spectrum. If I were bipolar though, with the sudden hardcore depression followed by insane rage, having my own mother tell me that I have a CHOICE about my disease? This is the same woman who trivializes my depression by giving me fucking essential oils with the intent that smelling it will somehow fix me.
Yeah, I would probably have lost control and punched her.
On the other hand, if I were bipolar, I would be on medication. Just like I’m on medication to treat my depression. Any mental illness needs to be treated properly, and every illness and every person needs a different approach and combinations of treatment.
The messed up part of this is how victimized my grandma acted afterwards. Like, she totally doesn’t understand why my mom would ever do such a thing. She doesn’t comprehend exactly how offensive it is to tell someone with a mental illness that they have a choice about it. It’s so incredibly insensitive and downright rude.
I guess it’s time to add mental health awareness activism to the list of things I’m interested in promoting education about.