My current lifestyle is not the one I plan to live for the rest of my life. Eventually, I want to have an awesome job that I feel good about going to every day. I want to come home and actually feel good enough to play music or write or make art.
I have so many awesome ideas, but nothing that really sticks, that makes me want to truly, actively pursue it. Smaller interests interject themselves and flare up like a freshly struck match, before dwindling and dimming my view of my more long-term interests.
Most recent awesome idea (as of a few minutes ago) would probably not be a career, but an aspect of one. Giving ACTUALLY EDUCATIONAL SEX ED TALKS. Since I just learned stuff about the hymen this morning that I didn’t know and my sex-ed course was pretty good.
Oh and my sex ed course was only good because I moved and had to take an actual Health class that spent at least three weeks on sex ed. The sex ed course in KC was not comprehensive, it was basically one class period and didn’t super stress abstinence, but they tried to highlight the failure rates of contraceptives.
I really really don’t want to be a teacher. I’ve been told that I’d be good at it, but no. Just no. I’m too fresh out of high school to delude myself into thinking it would be fun or profitable or make me happy. A lot of students are assholes, unless you happen to live in Pleasantville, and lots of them don’t care about the subject matter/don’t want to do the work/don’t appreciate that you actually want them to succeed in life. They care about their friends and having fun and messing around on the internet. The ones who actually care about receiving a quality education are few and far between. (These remarks are just based on my experiences in the area that I grew up.)
I’ve been repeatedly thinking about how I want Google in my brain and how I would totally love a career in brain-computer interfacing. I’m specifically interested in the engineering/tech side of it, rather than the neuroscience/medical aspect. Of course, I would have to have some rudimentary education about neuroscience, I’m just not interested in it as my focus.
So that idea was blowing up in my mind until I watched a video shared on Friendly Atheist that highlighted some of the ways to get a job in the freethought movement. I’m not exactly active in my activism, but I do read about stuff every day, I sign petitions, I support my fellows, and I blog. (I will be getting back into Teen Skepchick, as my health is improving and my pills will begin to take effect in a few weeks.)
There aren’t any orgs in Lawrence, so I would have to drive to KC to do the volunteering that the video suggests. Sometimes internships show up where you can do work for them via the internet, but EVERY ONE I’VE SEEN asks you how many credits you have and what school you’re going to, and they’re fucking required fields. I feel like I’m being left out and passively discriminated against because I’m not in college and I’m not interested in going until I have a good reason to.
I feel like it would be rude of me to seek an actual job with any org (even extremely low-level work, I don’t care) at this point in my life because I plan to travel next year. Probably sometime in February, I’ll be elsewhere and won’t really be able to settle again until November. That’ll be too late to start fall semester anywhere if I have careers figured out, and it might be too late to request to start in Spring.
However, at that time we’ll need to figure out where we want to live, and I might be able to situate myself near a major org for easier access and be able to start low-level work or volunteering while I work a shit job like the one I currently have.
I’m not sure how I’m going to continue blogging while traveling. I might have to buy a mobile wi-fi hotspot or pay extra to enable it on my phone. I might spend a lot of time sitting in Starbucks’ everywhere. I’d still really love to go to CONvergence, but I’m not sure how money is going to be. If we have an RV, we would probably be able to park it somewhere and thus avoid the costs of hotels (and maybe even help some other people out because RV’s come equipped with a thousand places to sleep).
Generally, everything is up in the air and fluxxy while I’m trying to figure out what I want to do, and it makes for some very difficult brain-times. I would love to be like Dave Silverman, sparring with idiot Fox News reporters, Rebecca, who speaks at a million things a year and still blogs and games and has fun, with a little bit of Surly Amy in there, making art both related and not related to my activism.
So I guess that would be ideal, I just don’t know how to make it happen. Not going to college will hurt my chances of being accepted anywhere, but if I get vocal via Teen Skepchick and people notice me, that will certainly help. If I keep doing podcasts and hangouts where people can see me and being on panels at CONvergence and attending Skepticon, maybe those things will help.
I’m such a defeatist.