It occurred to me that the new name for this blog is a little bit weird, and might be confusing to some people. I figured I’d do a post explaining it so that it makes more sense.
When I was in middle school, I had this friend M. We were absolute besties. Through her, I learned that I was bisexual and had a whole range of interests that I had never explored before. One of these things was fanfiction, particularly slash of band members and anime characters.
As a result of this, M started talking about her “inner gay man” and it became somewhat of a game. We named them and used them to express things that our “outer female” couldn’t. At some point during that time, I made a reference to my “metaphorical penis” hurting when I saw guys getting racked. From what I understand, a lot of guys experience this sympathy pain, and so do I.
Later, M came out as J, an FTM. The “inner gay man” was apparently much more literal than metaphorical. Through this, I discovered that I’m actually pansexual, and later learned of my gender dysphoria. Though we no longer speak, I’m pretty sure that we both identify as genderqueer/genderfluid.
At this point in my life, I’m a female-bodied genderqueer. I’m fairly casual with pronouns, although I identify more toward the masculine side. Someday, I’ll probably get a mastectomy and chest-reconstruction thing, since that’s the biggest dysphoria I have.
It may seem like “metaphorical” isn’t exactly the right word, because in school we’re taught that a metaphor is an unrealistic comparison that doesn’t use ‘like’ or ‘as’. However:
[met–uh-fawr, -fer] Show IPAnoun1.2.something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else; emblem; symbol.
The second definition is what I generally go off of. At this point, the Metaphorical Penis is a symbolic representation of my masculine-leaning identity.