Friends and Not Having Them

Tonight may not be the best night for this, as my phone is low on battery, but OH WELL.

I’ve been having a number of emotional problems lately, or just getting upset about things I may not usually be upset about. As a result, I’ve reduced my caffeine intake, started eating more and drinking more water, and I try to sleep for longer/with less interruption. In this way, I will be able to better understand what makes me upset if it continues, or will solve my upsetness. Either way.

Every night at work, at least once I find myself wanting to text someone, or have a conversation on Twitter or something. Anything. This is one of several facets of my current conundrum. I realize that I work graveyard, and as a result, most people in the US are asleep. But, it’s not just that most people I know are asleep; I also don’t have anyone to talk to in the evenings.

I haven’t had a best friend since I lived in KC, almost two years ago, and even then I had stopped really hanging out with anyone. I was really depressed and dealing with gender dysphoria as well as drama with friends (which ended pretty badly), and constantly missing my partner.

Then, I moved to a small town to finish school and didn’t make any close friends because I wasn’t staying. Now, as an adult out of school, I don’t know how to make friends. Even so, I don’t just want acquaintances, I want deep, emotional connections like my best friends of old. It’s a bad time of year to be trying to befriend my fellow Skepchicks, since so many of them are in school and have exams. In general, I feel lonely and often like I don’t have many true friends. My attempts so far to get to know people have been shaky, at best, which is a little discouraging. It’s a little maddening to only have one person to talk to regularly. More stuff in the future, my phone is really about to kick it.


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