Back in Town

Positive post with content notes: sleep, food, anxiety, racism re: Mike Brown

Wheeee! It was so nice to sleep in my own bed today, and in a room that was ACTUALLY DARK. HOLY FUCK. My hotel window was westward-facing, which was just **terrific** for sleeping in the evening. The curtains were thick, but nothing stops the light from peeking under and above them. However, the pillows were down and while I’m against that ethically, there’s no denying how amazingly comfortable it was.

So, the purpose of my trip was to teach the third shift people how to use our registers and generally inform them of company policy on things. Which means that I didn’t have to do any shift duties, although they did have me make labels for some of the product in the store one night. (I love being given responsibilities, it makes me feel so boss.) Continue reading “Back in Town”

Leaving Today!

So, yeah, I’m gonna go to sleep here soon and then wake up in about six hours so I can drive an hour and a half to the new store! And then after I work eight hours I get to drive to a hotel 30 miles north of the store and that’ll be where I’m staying for the next ten days. Wooo! I guess.

I had an amazing day today for oxytocin-related reasons that I won’t get into. :p

I really should be getting my shit together right now but I think I’m trying to put off going to sleep because this is my last chance to just.. be here in my apartment at my computer. For a week and a half. Ugh. I’m gonna miss my kitties. x.x

But! It’ll hopefully be relatively nice/fun/not shitty. I’m hoping I give myself some time to just like.. chill and work on crocheting or knitting or something. I think I’m sharing a room, so that’ll be kinda weird/interesting. I like the woman I’ll be rooming with, but she’ll be asleep when I get to the hotel from work and then I’ll be asleep before she leaves, but w/e.

Wish me luck!

Started Therapy!

Yeah! So, my therapist was late (he forgot he had a 9am on Monday morning; I’m willing to forgive this). However! He seems to be pretty good at his job, and I like talking to him. One session is hardly everything, but I did feel better afterward.

I mean, I cried kinda hard on-and-off for a few hours, but that was mostly just processing things and having emotional build-up from the last several weeks/months/years.

I’m tired and don’t have the spoons to go on about therapy stuff at the mo’. Not sure why I’m choosing to write when I don’t have the brainspace to really write, but whaaaatever. TL;DR: I’m looking forward to making progress.

We’re very abruptly taking over the new store next week, so starting Wednesday I’m going to be out of town for ten days straight. x.x Thankfully I have two nights off beforehand, and will have two nights off after. Sort of a buffer. Still though, ten-day stretches are never fun. I’LL MAKE IT, IT’LL BE FINE.

Work, Therapy, Feelings

So I’m not actually going out of town! Some weird thing happened and we aren’t taking over the store until some time in March.

I should be sleeping right now but I’m restless and wanted to throw some thoughts out there before passing out.

I called the mental health clinic and left a message. One of the nurses called me back so she could fill out a referral form for me, asking what I needed therapy for and whatnot. (“Uh.. Depression. And… Gender dysphoria? And relationship stuff.”) So she filled the form out to give to the team leader, who will then assign a therapist to me. I should hear from my therapist by the end of next week. =]

At which point I assume we’ll chat for a minute and then set appointments!! Which I’m excited about! Therapy is actually a big step forward in a recovery, and if you’ve been dodging it for a while like I have, it feels really nice to finally get going.

Shout out to my friend Kyle, for being supportive and encouraging me to get that process started.

 

Out of Town for Business

This is kind of a weird thing: The company I work for has acquired another store, and they’re having a few people from my store go there to train for two weeks. My manager asked me to do the training on 3rd shift, and I decided to go for it.

It’s in a tiny town, like, an hour and a half away from where we work, so the three of us are staying in a hotel. However, the town is so tiny that it doesn’t have a hotel and we have to stay a half hour away. :p

So basically I’ll be checking into the hotel on Monday and checking out Saturday morning, coming home for the weekend, then going back to rinse/repeat the next Monday. I assume we’ll have internet access and I might go for a few walks. Exploring a new city might be fun. I’m downloading MapleStory on my laptop as we speak, so Degon and I could probably play together. (I still have to find out if the laptop can actually run the game. Oh shit, I lost The Game.) I’ll probably end up calling him at least a few times.

Things are weird with me and Degon right now, so on the one hand I’m kind of grateful for the opportunity to have some space but also don’t want to do that since we’re specifically trying to re-knit the closeness of our relationship? This is going to be the longest we’ve been away from each other since we moved in together. Weird.

Anyhow, I feel kinda special that they wanted me to do it. Pretty much no one else has the experience needed, and my manager would likely have ended up being the one to train the night shift if I hadn’t accepted. I imagine they’ll give me some Bonus Bucks or something to indicate their thanks.

I’m an adult now?

Cats being weird about food

We got a new cat last summer (Mitternacht), and my mother-in-law reported that he was an aggressive one who caused problems for some of her other cats. I hadn’t really noticed any big issue with him except that he’s been getting fatter over the last few months. (Also he’s skittish, but we’re working on that.)

We discovered that he’s been scarfing down his food and then scarfing down whatever is left in the others’ bowls. So now I have to go back to putting their food down and picking it back up when they’re done eating, 3 times a day. Which is kind of fucking annoying.

I feel bad for having not caught this behavior before now, though. Lucifer has been doing a lot better about not gorging himself as soon as I put the food down, but he did today and made himself throw up. Aaaand I’m pretty sure it’s because of Mitternacht being food-aggressive.

/sigh. Stupid cats, not knowing what’s best for them.

Therapy/Recovery/Updating

I need to start providing a record of what’s going on with myself. One day, I will inevitably be going through my blog posts and rereading stuff and wondering how I felt about something or other. SO I’M PUBLISHING ON A SUNDAY. IT’S NOT FOR YOU, IT’S FOR ME.

I don’t like blogging about happy things because if I reread it later it might upset me because whatever happy thing happened stopped happening. (Like when I start dating someone and then I’m really glad I didn’t write about it because I have to break it off two weeks later. [It was Kyle.]) Whiiiich is probably why I haven’t read any of my happy-things-in-a-jar that I wrote last year.

And of course I don’t like blogging about unhappy things because I don’t want to leak horrifying thoughts all over the internet and it’s usually personal and not pleasant so I don’t want to throw Degon under the bus by talking about our problems in a public forum. (I tend to be really critical of him.)

So basically the main thing is that Kyle made me promise to try to get a therapist. I’m gonna go to the health clinic I usually go to to see if I can get hooked up with a therapist. And then Degon and I will probably try to figure out couple’s therapy.

Here’s a weird and unrelated thing: I might end up staying out-of-town next week for a work thing. Which could be awesome, in the sense that I’d have alone-time, but could also be terrible, in the sense that I’d be alone with my brain. Which. You know. Fuck that.

Anyway, I think I’m getting sick and I don’t know what I want to do with my day. I’m pretty tired. I might go ahead and read those happy-things-in-a-jar after all.