Hey, so, I have a birthday later this month. I’ll be turning 20 on the 27th.
There are usually a larger number of people who like me than I’m willing to admit, so I figured I’d give you guys a chance to do nice things for me by presenting you with my Amazon wish list. There’s another specific item I’d like that isn’t on the list because it’s not on Amazon for some reason. It’s a super cool jigsaw puzzle.
If you’d like to contribute to covering medical (prescriptions, IUD) or living expenses, or if you don’t have my address, (or if you just feel like sending money) you can use my donate link to send moneys through PayPal. I think there’s a way to add a note so you can specify what you’d like to help out with if it suits your fancy. **Afterthought: I also want to go to CONvergence later this year, and hopefully Skepticon as well! If you’d like to help out with that, make a note of it and your donation will be saved to help pay for that stuff.**
I love all of you. I’m chipping away at a piece for Zinnia Jones’ blog and otherwise trying to become betterer enough to function and do more regular writing. It’s hard. I appreciate having a network of people to support me regardless of whether I get gifts at any point of the year. Most of my friends are internet friends, and you pretty much never let me down.
Such love. Many hugs. Much tired.
Content note: This is a post about birth control, sex, mild transphobia, and misgendering to the max.
So, I’m 19 (nearly 20!) and haven’t been on birth control for years. My hubby and I were using condoms for the first couple years and then that pretty much deteriorated, especially after learning cool stuff like how the pull out method is surprisingly effective.
I’ve been wanting to get an IUD for quite some time, for multiple reasons. I don’t want hormonal birth control (like the pill) because I really don’t want a body more full of femme hormones. I don’t want bigger tits and I’m scared of the dysphoria I’ve heard people experience just from having certain hormones in their bodies. I want to get one thing and then not have to deal with it again for a while, and since I don’t want kids for several years, a 5-year simple thing would be the best method. Continue reading
Sooo, you may have heard that Zinnia Jones invited me to co-author on her blog over at Freethought Blogs. If you hadn’t heard, now you know!
At first, I was sort of flabbergasted. By “sort of” I mean that it took an entire day and a half to become accustomed to the idea before I could accept. There are probably a lot of mechanisms feeding into that, like not feeling like a trustworthy, stable person, having a lot of Impostor Syndrome, and my entire mentality surrounding how others interact with me. Which is basically that I’m totally shocked to find that people think about me when we aren’t in direct contact, confused about them liking me in the first place, and being held in high-enough regard to be invited to co-author a blog just totally blows my mind.
During this period of trying to accustom myself to the idea (and being self-negative as usual), I realized I was less excited about getting on FTB as a co-author. Obviously my thought before has been that I might be able to get this beautifully named blog on their blogroll. So it took a little while for me to actually get it in my head that, yes, I’m a blogger on FTB and it’s just as significant as if my own blog had been assimilated.
A big part of breaking through that funk was when Heina offered me her congrats on Twitter. (I can’t find the tweet to embed, blerg.) She basically said grats and mentioned that she knew it was a goal of mine. My internal response: Continue reading
Here’s a video talking about a few apps I’ve started using in the last week or so.
As the title indicates, there’s going to be a lot of funk in this post. Content warning for depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, issues with food and weight.
Oh, goodness. I’m not even sure where to start with this.
Well, you can probably tell by glancing around that my blog stopped receiving attention back in December. That’s when I had another dip. I’ve been pretty unhappy about my body that entire time, which has been feeding back into my incredibly unhealthy bad self-esteem in which I think I’m a terrible person.
I’m doing better about eating enough. Some days I eat a little too much, sometimes not enough, but I almost always get at least 800 calories. I haven’t started exercising to the extent that I’d like, but I have a few motivational ideas that should help with that. Continue reading
Content note: This is a review of a sex toy. It will get saucy and there are pictures of the toy (no porn, sorry!) below the break.
Twitter-following Zinnia Jones is having an influence on me… She gets sexy and talks about her toys, so I got the idea to review the toy I bought recently.
I got it from Bad Dragon, which is really awesome and if you haven’t ever seen them (and are over 18, obviously), you should check them out. There are a variety of different toys to choose from; the one I bought was Bruiser the Fusion.
Content note: discussion of domestic violence
This year, Christmas dinner was held at my father-in-law’s house for my husband’s immediate family. There are probably 15-20 of them who show up to these things regularly, so it’s a relatively crowded affair when we get together. As an introvert, it can be somewhat stressful. Messing with my sleep schedule and being around a lot of people had my depression stirring which kept me from being at my peak. I sat for most of the event.
Other than that though, it was an overwhelmingly positive experience. It’s pretty easy to talk to all of them, even the ones I’ve had arguments with on Facebook. For the most part, those pesky differences like wanting to deny people rights don’t come up. :p And when politically-charged subjects do come up, it’s in good spirit. (Except when one particular brother is there; he can be somewhat… combative. Heh.)
This might sound odd, but having a wholly positive Christmas experience (apart from my dickbag brain) is somewhat unnerving. Continue reading
(I guess brief content note for discussing diet/exercise since those are really common resolutions.)
It’s New Year’s Eve and lots of people are reflecting on 2013, seeing how they did on their resolutions from last year, and trying to decide how to proceed with the next twelve months.
I posted about this on Facebook and got some interesting responses. I’ve found myself thinking of 2013 and 2014 as Separate Things and saying stuff like “Man, 2013 sucked,” and “I hope 2014 is better.” People tend to make a categorical separation between periods of time, especially with years, and I’m doing the same thing without much conscious thought.
It’s somewhat silly to me to make such a divide in your head. There’s not a fundamental difference between today and tomorrow, and yet we view this as the end of one thing and the beginning of another. The reason I think this is negative is that some people make a huge deal out of how their whole life is going to be different: they’re going to start dieting, hitting the gym, looking for a new job, etc. I’d wager that most of the resolutions taken today won’t last a month. Continue reading
I was just imagining a hypothetical situation in which a female lust-interest who has a boyfriend might be willing to have sexy times with me without telling her boyfriend, but not with Degon. I do this a lot with random hypotheticals, which is why I made a category for it a while ago. My brain overclocks on the imagination.
Anyway, I was thinking about this and how unfair it is. It’s already an established cultural idea that penis-in-vagina sex is the only sex that “counts” as sex. There are a lot of interesting results of this, including girls having anal sex to preserve their virginity. Some might say that a lesbian who’s never had penis-in-vagina sex is still a virgin. It’s weird.
It seems to be a fairly common concept that if you’re a woman with a boyfriend, fooling around with another woman doesn’t count as cheating. Perhaps it’s because of how fetishized lesbian interactions are, and the assumption is that the boyfriend would think it’s hot anyway?
Or maybe it’s probably just about the penis. Continue reading
Whew, the last week or so has been kind of a doozy for me. There’s a lot going on in my head and I’ve been really anxious, so I apologize for my absence here and elsewhere on the internetz.
First of all, I started taking Zoloft a couple days ago. I’m interested to see how that works for me over the next month or two. This episode of anxiety started before I began taking the Zoloft, so I feel comfortable saying that they aren’t correlated. I’m probably going to call my doctor later today to see about getting a low dose of something like Xanax to help me through this rough patch.
I don’t normally have a lot of anxiety, so I’m really just not certain how to handle it. It’s much more stabby and pointy than my depression usually is and I’d like some relief.
TW for food/weight: Continue reading